Our unique Christmas

We are experiencing quite a different Christmas this year, in the hospital. Burke is still in the PICU at PCMC and is doing really well. He was extubated yesterday and has loved having that awful tube out of his throat. Yesterday he had a great day and had quite a bit of energy and was overall happy. Today on the other hand, has been pretty miserable. He has a slight temperature and I think that was the main thing that was bugging him today. He wanted to play but he was too exhausted and didn't want to fall asleep because he was too uncomfortable. I played with him a lot and sang his FAVORITE song- "Here's a Ball for Baby". He knows all the signs to it and it is so sweet because despite being hooked up to a ton of cords and wires, he still does all the signs to that song. We have been watching TV and just hanging out.

Emma saw him today and she is the best big sister ever. She is so good with him while she is in his room. She always wants to be up on the tall chair right next to the crib so she can see Burke and talk with him and play with him. She is the best and I am sooo grateful for a child who can understand what is going on with Burke. She was with my sister Liz for the day yesterday, and they were at some friends' house and Emma was telling the friend's dad all about Burke. She told him that her mommy was at the hospital and that Burke was going to get out his tubes today. He was like what in the world is she talking about, so Liz had to tell him the rest of the story. But, for the most part Emma knows what is going on. She knew that we were sad that he didn't get his "tube" (breathing tube) out the other day. I know the Lord specifically chose our children to come to us with our situation with Burke. Emma is the best big sis and Burke is so sweet and has become very patient with all that he is going through. I just can't imagine what is going through his head. I just try and comfort him when he seems sad or scared or hurting. He is so strong for enduring what he has been through. I am grateful beyond words that he has chosen and that it is part of Heavenly Father's plan to have him stay with us a little longer here on earth. I don't know what I would do if we would have lost him two weeks ago. But all I know is that I thank the Lord for his mercy and grace. I thank him for comforting Burke when I am not there or when he is lonely or scared. I thank him for the atonement that we can feel of His love when nothing else helps.

We are spending Christmas here in the hospital. It is pretty lonely and different. It is also kind of like having an out of body experience because I never thought I would be the one to ever have to go through this. I never thought I would ever be in the hospital for Christmas. I am glad about one thing though, there are not very many people here in the PICU tonight. There are a significant number of empty bed spaces of which I am so grateful. That means a lot of nurses and doctors and surgeons are at home spending Christmas Eve with their families. Also, it means there are children and babies at home where they should be. I am happy for all those people this night.

There is a reason we are experiencing Christmas in a different place and under different circumstances. I have been thinking a lot today about why we are experiencing this, and I still don't fully understand why. But I think it is so that we can appreciate Christ and His birth and life more. So we can also cherish every moment we have with our loved ones and those around us. I am grateful for this unique Christmas, even though I would rather be in my own cosy home playing Christmas music and watching Burke and Emma entertain us in our own family room. But when I think about all those activities we do at Christmas time, there is no other place I would rather be right here and right now, because I know this is where Burke is supposed to be. Nothing else matters in life when we are dealing with the life and health of our child. Nothing else, the presents, the Christmas dinner, the traditional holiday activities, nothing. We are focusing on what matters to us in our lives right here and now, and for us it is our family. We are grateful for the progress that Burke has made. He has come so far and we are grateful for him. We love you buddy and we will never ever forget this time we have spent with you this 2008 Christmas holiday. Merry Christmas everyone and hope you all remember what is truly important in your lives!